forever
by goodeveningmoonlight
Summary: and i am falling faster than ever before :: i cannot remember the scent of his hair :: short drabble on percy dying and annabeth reacting (free verse)


**one week**

and i'm falling

faster than ever before, faster than Tartarus

because he's gone

and i'll never see his smile

or his laugh

or his eyes

or the way his hair tousled in the wind

and i'll never feel him hug me

never feel him kiss me

never feel him run his hands through his hair

never inhale his scent

(at least not from him)

(currently, i sleep with his sweater)

(it keeps nightmares at bay)

and i'll never listen to him talk again

or nod sleepily while I talk

or hear him giggle

or watch him and leo run around being idiots

and i will never be _his_ again

(i am his forever though, and not even death can change that)

 **two weeks**

i'm falling and i can't stop it

because i see him every time i close my eyes

because he stares at (accusingly) every time i hear his name

because he is (was, he _was_ ) mine

and i am ( _was_ , but also am) his

and we are like chocolate and peanut butter

black and white

good and evil

but also the same, fundamentally the same

we are ( _were_ ) two sides of the same coin

he protects (why can't i remember, it is protected) me

and i protect him

(i always will)

 **three weeks**

i'm falling through empty space

he once filled that space

but now he is gone

he is gone, like the wisps of wind that tousle my hair

like the ripples on a pond

he is gone, like my heart

my soul

my purpose

but i will go on

somehow

 **four weeks**

thalia tells me i should stop moping

i don't reply

i used to

but now i shut her out

none of them understand

i am trying to get over it, i really am

but it's hard

and they all laugh and smile and joke now

and they don't understand that i can't laugh and smile with them until i see him again

because he is (it has been a month and i still cannot remember that it is _was_ , not is) my rock, my anchor

and i am his wind, i am his motivation

(that will never change, that will always be _is_ )

they tell his story at the campfire

they end with 'he couldn't go on any longer'

i end it with, 'he left me'

but he didn't, i left him too

i was mad

and i ran

and i cried, up in a tree

and he did his own version of running

he cut

and he cut too deep

 **five weeks**

his scent is starting to fade from his sweater

and i can no longer remember the feel of his hair under my fingers

i tried running my fingers through my own hair

but it felt coarse and tangled and confused

like me

not like percy

he was always smiling

and happy

and ready-for-anything

and i was not

i still am not

his laugh is starting to fade from my memory

and so is his smile

i thought i would remember

why don't i?

i'm sorry percy

 **six weeks**

i sat at the campfire

and i shared

i told the new camper (her name is Agatha) about us

me and percy

percy and me

it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would

it hurt less

like he has forgiven me

for forgetting

and i know that he has

because he forgives

he forgets

i do not

agatha listens carefully, closely, and i detail everything

i tell her about his hair

his windblown hair that was soft and neat but also springing up every which way in an endearing way

(i remembered today. was, not is)

(I feel proud)

(but also not)

i tell her about his eyes

green, green and swirling and piercing

they were beautiful

he told me i was beautiful

and the words spill out of my mouth and agatha listens

and i feel free

 **seven weeks**

when i think of percy, i think was

i have forgotten what that glint in his eyes was

(you see, i remembered)

(i feel nothing)

i try looking at some pictures

and i see nothing but glassy eyes

and blood

and tears

and riptide

and blood

and then i'm running, trying to escape, tears throbbing in my eyes

piper finds me in the woods, looking up at the stars, my tears dried

i have found him

 **eight weeks**

nico sits beside me

we are stargazing

and i see zoe

and i see percy

reyna died yesterday

nico told me

i cried again

but not as much as when percy died, and i wonder if i am a bad person for not grieving as much for reyna

and i also feel bad because percy's voice is now a faint echo

and reyna's is not

also, jason came up to me yesterday

he did not seem to walking in eggshells, like everyone has been

(but only around me)

he said that he wanted to know if i needed anyone to talk to

(they think i'm crazy)

(or depressed)

i am not

i smiled and offered to go out with him and piper

as a third wheel, of course

but he seemed pleased and scheduled a date for tomorrow

(with me and him and piper)

i am nervous

but also excited

is this wrong?

 **nine weeks**

the campfire is a bright orange now

and it lifts up

new campers listen eagerly to my tale now

about us

percy and me

me and percy

intertwined

forever

but i am secure here, and content

because even if you are gone, percy, now i know that i can be happy

with jason and piper and frank and hazel and nico and leo

and chiron

and rachel

and everyone

and even though piper and jason are scheduled to get married in two months

and frank proposed to hazel yesterday

and leo took calypso out this morning

and even though coach hedge has found love (out of all people) and i am still partly grieving

i am happy

because they get their happy ending now

i just have to wait until i die

but i will not kill myself to join you

i'm sorry

but also not

i want you to wait for me

wait for me

i will remember you

and you will remember me

and you will wait

right?

please wait for me percy

i will be waiting for you

for we are one

percy and annabeth

annabeth and percy

intertwined

forever


End file.
